The Ones Who Tear Me Down, Are The Ones Who Have Built Me Up

Many of you don’t know, I was born on Memorial day. Now every few years my birthday lands on Memorial day! This post isn’t about Memorial day, This post is about, what I am most thankful for throughout my years of life. Most people would say their experiences, their blessings, their friends and family. This year I was thankful for the one thing many people over look, all the people who tried to tear me down! The past few years there have been 2 major people, my so-called love of my life, and my so-called best friend. There have been others to contribute but not trying to be mean.

 

We were together for 3 years, 3 long years of being put down, and verbally abused. Those awful 3 years, he spent trying to isolate me, design me to his liking. He started isolating me from my two best friends, one I’ve know since 5th grade(We will call her Lilei) and the other i’ve known since 7th grade(We will call her Alira). So we were pretty close, Lilei called him out on what he was doing, and I wavered at that time, and he made it seem he was looking out for me instead of them, and like I said, I was dumb and stupid. So in the end I never chose, but I kinda did, I chose to still be with him. I should have just shut him out then cause it just got worse from there. If I showed up without eyeliner, he ordered me to put some on. I do have a problem orally, I have a decaying tooth, and he said in order for me to date him, I needed it fixed, he wanted me to be perfection. So every time I was with him, I made myself as perfect as I could muster. Usually it was never enough. When I met him I was working a minimum wage part time job, that I hated. I didn’t drive, so I needed him a lot. When I didn’t drive, there were more times than I can count that he wouldn’t give me a ride home, always coming up with an excuses to keep me there for him. Other times, I would walk what would normally take 15 minutes by car took me 3 hours to walk back to my home. I spent more time there than I did at my own home. After a few months I got sick of my job, I got a job in my preferred career, Cosmetology, what I went to school for. Once I started making more money than him, putting me down, saying my job wasn’t nothing compared to his. It brought me down, because I was extreamely excited about it. I slowly started paying for more things for him as well. Shortly after that as well I wanted to further my education, so I went back to school for massage therapy. Towards the end, he wanted me to quick/ drop out, because it took my time away from him. Around that time we started to but heads. Eventually with all the crap he did I finally came to my senses. I started to hate him. Everything he did made me mad. No matter what I did to better myself the angrier he got with me. Towards the end, I had plans to move out with my so-called best friend, and that night was the last I could take from him. Towards the end of the night, he had left me to talk on his phone, As I waited I talked to his brother’s girlfirend at the time( We shall call her Fyona). Eleven o’clock rolls around, and I come to find out he left. So I told her I was done. And that was the end of it. Through out the past two years he has flipped flopped from sweetie, to jerk. Even though he put me through so many trials, he helped me become confident with my body, with my profession, I had also become outgoing for him. Due to him I have gained confience all around I could never be happier with my body! Growing up my older sister Kayla, who was older by 15 months, was mostly known as the sister with beauty and I was the brains, as a child, it was very heart breaking, I could never surpass her. Although she was beautiful, she always tried to make me feel better about myself, I guess you can say she saw the beauty in me before anyone. So I think when I met him, I was just craving acknowledgement, desire, just someone to want only me. He was the first to acknowledge me and so I clung to that. While he clung to my virgin heart.

 

Then my so called best friend( we shall call her Airelle) We were friends in high school, then once we were out of high school, we got closer. There was some drama between friends and it brought us closer. But that’s for another day! We became close, and she kept inviting me on family vacations, and I have invited her to family occasions. It took me until we became roommates, in a house that her dad had bought and rented to us, that she was vindictive, and abusive. It took me a year and a half until i had finally gave up on our friendship completely and moved out. When I moved out we were still friends, due to her lack of caring for the living space I had to tell her dad she was a closet hoarder. He wasn’t happy. From there it got better… She started to spread rumors about me saying that I told her dad ‘He was an awful landlord, because she was his daughter’ which she then escalated to calling me a Cunt. Which apparently is her favorite word. Through out the year and a half of living together, she thought her boyfriend and i were having an affair, after I POSTED a status on FACEBOOK, and TAGGED both of us in it, along with CHECKING IN, so she could see that we were having fun I wanted her to have apart of the action. I also got called a bitch because I cleaned an entire house and just MOVED her crap to the one side of the living room. Needless to say she has been a major part of me becoming outgoing and calling people out. I am pretty sure I will become very good parent because I was a parent to those children. She has given me an amazing experience that I can also pass down to my childeren, NEVER move in with anyone who’s vindictive, thinks they know everything, and is a spoiled brat. All in all, she has given me confidence in all of my weirdness, to this point no matter what I like, from anime, to soap operas, to my little quirks, I am proud of everything I love and obsess over. Because of her I am confident in what I like, it doesn’t matter if it is normal, geeky weird, I am proud of who I am!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So Thank You! You thought you could keep me down but your wrong! I am a very powerful woman, and I will continue to grow, and follow my dreams and one day I will get there and the only reason I got there is because you knocked me down and trampled all over and for that thank you cause if I didn’t get up and want to prove you wrong i’d still be down on the ground in self pity! But I over came you! You are just an obstacle that i removed and you will be my strength because you were my weakness! Cheers to that and good riddance!

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