Did You ever.

Have you ever had fantasies~

I things that you wish would happen.  Well as a writer, I have them all the time.  I have them when trying to come up with another idea, when I need inspiration, or when my pain is too much and I need a little break from reality.  Heck even sometimes I act them out.  At first, I always thought I was just weird, then I came to realize it was perfectly fine.  I mean everyone has their own way of doing things, and that is my way of doing it.  Well lately its been a recurring fantasy that usually goes like this, I’m doing a relatively simple action, and something leads me to a set of twins, whom are my half siblings from another mother.  My father was never in my life, he however chose someone over my mother.  These twins, would either love me until the end of the earth, or heck maybe they’d be a little apprehensive at first, and eventually warm up to me. Now I do already have two other siblings, one is deceased and the other is 11 years younger than me.  I love them dearly, but it doesn’t mean I don’t think of the possibility of having other siblings.

I’m Scared~

Obviously one of these days I will build up the courage to meet him, and possibly any siblings I will have.  A lot of the time, these ‘twins’ surround most of my story lines and daydreams, I would love for them to be exactly like me.  In more than just looks, I could see us pulling pranks, and going for dinner.  I’d bring over guys that I would be crushing on, and if they didn’t like him, they would play protective big brothers.  I would get mad and say they would be over reacting.  All the while, they would always be there for me, making me apart of their life, and I would do the same.  With them I could conquer the world with an iron fist.  They would make me feel that I was good enough, my looks, my quietness, my outburst.  They would love everything about me and keep me on my toes.


Having such a huge expectation is scary, cause then crushed and stepped on without a moment’s notice.  I could be heartbroken before even knowing what our relationship.  Expectation is usually what kills any relationship.   I’ve had 25 years to build up this expectation on what that side should be.  So it would be easy for it to get trumped.


3 thoughts on “Did You ever.

  1. Fear of the unknown leads us to conjure images and scenarios that can give us insight into the possibilities of a situation but also may potentially hinder us to the point of non or negative action as a result. I have gone down this road myself and concluded that sometimes it is better to just go for it and react to the situation that actually manifests as opposed to the ones that we think may occur.

    I hope you are able get to a point that will allow you to make a decision that will lead to a happy conclusion. All the best.


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